Being Enough

We had our first read-through for our Listen to Your Mother show yesterday.  First of all…it is going to ROCK!  We have a wider variety of posts this year thanks to word of mouth, and the show, well, I like to think of it as a diamond with many facets (look at me getting fancy).  Sooo many perspectives of motherhood represented.  I am SO excited about it and love the ladies participating.

Anyway, yesterday a few people mentioned to me that they didn’t know how I did it, managing a full-time job, parenting and Listen to Your Mother. I gave some answer about it being my hobby.

Well, LTYM is a hobby, but the truth is that I don’t feel like a very useful co-producer.  Liisa and Marty are able to handle cast communications and getting sponsors and press. I send a few emails to potential sponsors (who never reply because these are the equivalent of cold calls), handle the web stuff and attend auditions and rehearsals, but the truth is that I feel like dead weight.  I feel like there should be an asterisk by my name as in “sort of” a producer.

And if I’m being truthful, that’s the way I feel about everything. Am I a good employee? wife? parent? My answer would be that I’m fair to middling. I don’t feel like I excel at any of it. Not in the way I’d like to anyway.

The truth is that I don’t know if I have a realistic comprehension of what competence in any of those roles would look like.  Does anyone? Maybe that’s the problem. We have way too many ideals and not enough reality. I know I would welcome a reality check right now.

How do you ever feel like you are doing enough, being enough, simply enough instead of what you think you ought to be or should be?

I’m 36 years old. Shouldn’t I have the answer to those questions by now?

Epi What?

After a few days of glasses & conjunctivitis drops (the term my MD eye doctor insists I use), my left eye looked better. Until it didn’t and suddenly the redness reappeared. And the conjunctivitis meds made my eyes feel dry & raw, so I wasn’t sure if they were hurting or helping.

Finally, today, I went to my MD eye doctor (ophthalmologist and he’s very proud) and he diagnosed me with episcleritis. Basically an eye inflammation, but no one can agree on a cause for it. My doctor glibly told me it was the result of too much stress, which I have along with a billion or two other people. Since I still have conjunctivitis (dare not use “pink eye” in his presence), I suspect that my Head Cold from Hell is the source of both.

The prescription is steroid drops will be alternated with drops for the lingering conjunctivitis for at least another week. That means another week at least of glasses. I can deal with glasses, but I don’t like driving at night in them. I consider my glasses ideal for short assignments. Right now, though, they will be my primary correction source.

February has been a long month. I hesitate to blame all of my woes on Mercury Retrograde, but it seems frighteningly apt.

Oh well. March is around the corner.



No More Meetings in 2013

No more meetings

No more paperwork

No more stifling

Dirty looks *

Tuesday at 4:30, I closed my office door and practically skipped out to my car.  I was finished – DONE – with work until January 6, 2014. Cue confetti, popping champagne corks, cheers of jubilation.

I was desperate to get to the last day.  The weeks before had been insane with Jimmy being on call for 2 weeks and then more meetings than I thought possible. My stress levels were through the roof: I even started itching like crazy last week, and I think it was stress-induced hives.

But vacation is here at last.  Daniel is in school until tomorrow, and Jimmy’s last day of work for the year is today, so yesterday and today I have had the house to myself and have been purposefully slothful. It has been blissful.

Tomorrow the sprint towards Christmas begins. I need to attempt cards, finish shopping, wrap gifts, figure out a menu for Christmas Eve, make ornaments with Daniel. Oh and Santa is coming through the neighborhood on Saturday, and we are headed to Mocksville on Sunday for Christmas #1. Whew!

It always seem like everything happens at the last minute during the holidays, but it comes together somehow. I’ll think about that on Friday. For now, I’m going to put my feet up and read. I have a few more hours of solitude left.

* my apologies to Alice Cooper 🙂

Thanksgiving 2013

child, christmas tree, thanksgiving

Daniel in front of the Christmas Tree on Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving morning saw all 6 of us – three humans and three felines – awake at 4 AM.  Jimmy has been on call this week.  He usually ends up on call over Thanksgiving because he is the team lead and takes one for the team.  In prior years, it wasn’t a big deal and didn’t prevent us from hosting.  This year, however, was different because it was the first time he had been on call since the merger of his utility with another went through. He had heard on call under the new regime was awful and when he realized it would impact Thanksgiving, he issued dire pronouncements about what it would be like a la “winter is coming.”

And yeah, it has kind of sucked because he has had many issues to handle, and they come at all hours and sometimes at the same time. The one at 4 AM this morning set off a chain reaction. I was already slightly awake, but I think the activity woke up Daniel, who called out for me. I tucked him in and gave cuddles as well as locating AWOL cuddlies. Jimmy was back asleep by 5. Daniel by 5:30 and me, 6. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

We had a low-key Thanksgiving. I still wanted to celebrate the day, even if it were only in a small way.  Jimmy’s mother invited us over, so we had Thanksgiving lunch at her house. Instead of becoming extremely well-acquainted with the most intimate parts of a turkey and making a zillion sides, I had only one side to make this year. It felt a little weird, honestly.

But we had a good day. Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, mustardy – balsamic green beans (my contribution), sweet potatoes, cauliflower casserole, rolls, cranberry sauce, apple pie and eclairs! Daniel was adorable (of course!), and it was nice to be able to sit back and not be the rainmaker in the kitchen for the day! The weather cooperated, and it was chilly, but clear with a gorgeous blue sky. I can’t remember the last time it was that chilly on Thanksgiving in North Carolina.

child drinking tea

Drinking tea with dessert

And best of all, Jimmy received no calls. We had worried whether he would be able to participate, especially when only a few hours before, he had calls at 9 PM, 11 PM, 1 AM and 4 AM. We drove separately in case he needed to leave to tackle an issue. Honestly, we were a bit stressed about the situation. But it turned out great and much better than we dared hope.  We were home by 4, giving Daniel much-needed time to play outside before sunset and then we seamlessly moved into our normal evening routine. And I don’t have mountains of dishes to wash!

house, afternoon, thanksgiving

Late afternoon on Thanksgiving


A few days ago, one of my Twitter friends commented about the appearance of the obligatory “what I’m thankful for” posts that had started to appear.  I tweeted back, tongue in cheek, that I wasn’t thankful for anything, and he seemed a little shocked by my reply.

I am thankful for many things. I know I can try to present myself as or come off as a snarky, impervious, ungrateful bitch sometimes, but I am well aware of the blessings we have.

I’m thankful for Daniel, and he is the sweetest, most wonderful little boy.  I’m thankful for Jimmy, who supports me and has my back unconditionally and whom I’m afraid I don’t take care of as well as I should. I’m thankful for my family. We may have a small family and slightly dysfunctional at times, but we take care of each other.

I’m thankful for my job. I know I’m lucky to have a job when so many don’t, and I’m fortunate to work in a good environment and have the flexibility to attend Daniel’s school functions as well as to do interesting work. I’m thankful for my friends offline and on. Seriously, you all are awesome and I never, ever feel alone because I have you all.

I’m thankful we have a nice house and functioning cars and that we can afford food. I’m thankful that one of my biggest worries right now is how I’m going to lose weight so I don’t have to buy a new wardrobe. I’m thankful for my three crotchety cats who make me clean up more poo and pee than when I had a newborn but whom I adore and allow to sleep on my head.

I’m thankful to live in this state, in this country.  They aren’t perfect, but compared to other alternatives, they are pretty damned good.

The bottom line is that I am aware of the many blessings in my life and I am extremely thankful for them.

Happy Thanksgiving. I can truly say we had a great Thanksgiving.  I hope yours was the same.

It’s a Bird..It’s a Plane..It’s KeAnne Going to Another Conference

Today I felt like I had a split personality. By morning I was “Mommy,” dressed in ratty, stretchy, slouchy PJ pants and a t-shirt that had seen better days. I made Daniel pancakes for breakfast and tried to keep him entertained (because he felt 100% better and was frustrated that we wouldn’t let him go outside) while fighting off my own case of the queasies. By afternoon, I was Professional KeAnne, dressed in work clothes and downtown for the first part of a conference.

It felt really weird and for the first little bit, I felt like I was playing dress-up.  Sometimes after I take a day off – for vacation or for illness – re-entry is difficult. It is amazing how little time it takes for me to become enmeshed in the cocoon of home. It’s surreal. It’s like the real world doesn’t really exist outside of what I read on Twitter or my news sites.  We don’t have cable any longer, so any TV we watch is on demand and doesn’t include news. I’ve gotten better at not checking work email, so it’s like another tether is fraying.  I’m not saying it’s a bad thing; it’s just interesting how quickly being “off the grid” in a way takes hold.

If you follow me on Twitter, you probably already know that I was at a conference today based on the number of tweets I made.  Feel free to mute me until Thursday night if you need. I won’t be offended.  The conference is the Internet Summit, an annual digital conference held in Raleigh.  This is the the 6th year of the conference, and I’ve been to almost all of them. I was at the first one in Chapel Hill in 2008.  That one was interesting because my cousin gave birth to her son at the same time, and his birth kicked off the Year of Boys our family was about to experience.  Four babies.  All boys. November 2008, February 2009, May 2009 and June 2009 (Daniel).

I like the Internet Summit because it is a good conference with a nice mix of topics that appeals to techies, marketers, innovators and everyone else.  After years of being on Twitter and going to local conferences and events, I swear that everyone looks like someone I know.  Some of the ladies I’ve met locally through blogging are attending professionally as well, and let me just say that it is odd when worlds converge.  To Beth Anne, Kathleen and Brandy, I apologize if I seemed overly stiff and weird!

In the past I’ve attended a lot of social media sessions since that was part of my job.  This year I justified going based on the “Big Data” and data analytics sessions.  It is all interesting content, and I’m sure I’ll have a post or two to write about it. I feel at home at this type of conference because I really “get” the content.  Last week’s conference wasn’t in my field exactly, so I felt more like a fish out of water.  It’s good to be with people who spend the conference tweeting and taking notes via laptop or tablet. It feels right.

Tomorrow all of us re-enter the real world again. Daniel will return to school and go on his field trip to the history museum.  Jimmy will have a full day at work.  I’ll try to accessorize well (you should see some of the outfits) and head to the convention center for day 2 of the conference.  It was already going to be a short week for me and Daniel because his school is closed on Friday and Monday for parent-teacher conferences, so after this one day of returning to normal, we’ll be home again.

Fingers crossed that our one day of re-entry is smooth.


Brought to You by the Letter “G”

Monday nights are homework nights in this house.  Daniel’s class has a letter of the week and on Monday, the dreaded piece of paper comes home.  In addition to everything else we are juggling, we have to have Daniel think of things that start with that letter, find pictures, have him cut them out and then glue them on the sheet. And on Tuesdays, each child presents his or her homework. Are you tired? I know I am.

The first time the assignment came home, it was a surprise and I groaned because I was solo parenting while Jimmy was on a business trip and had to tackle “A” in addition to making dinner, eating, getting out clothes, teeth brushing, stories, etc. in about 90 minutes.  I admit that I located, cut out and glued the pictures myself, making sure Daniel could identify them the next day in class.  The next day I confessed to his teacher that I had done the assignment because I have flashbacks to my 6th grade science fair project and the beautiful display my mother created and hearing classmates AND their parents comment how I had obviously had help.  I didn’t want to be “that mom” already.

Over the last few weeks, we’ve managed to hit our stride on Monday nights.  Once we confirm that we have homework this week, we start asking Daniel to think of things that start with that letter.  Then we find pictures and print them.  Daniel cuts them out (and does a great job by the way; his skill with scissors has improved immensely since he started school; also our cutting skills are roughly equivalent) and writes his name on the paper (a skill which has also improved dramatically).  I glue them on for now only because sometimes the pictures need to be trimmed to fit.  It’s a team effort, but I truly feel the final result reflects Daniel.

I also never imagined we’d have homework in Pre-K.  And I could write an entire other post on how I need a calendar to keep up with Daniel’s various activities and deadlines for school: field trips, buddies, parties, parent career month, weekly newsletters, behavior reports, etc. Oh my! I consider us doing well if we remember which uniform he is supposed to wear that day as well as whether he needs a full lunch or morning snack only because we paid for hot lunch. Does it only get worse from here?

Daniel is learning a lot, and that’s the important thing.  I just wish school had come with a huge binder and calendar for me to keep up!

This week was the letter “G” 🙂

Yes, that lower right image is a picture of God. Appropriate, right?

Yes, that lower right image is a picture of God. Appropriate, right?

In the Merde

Mercury Retrograde ends on March 17, and it certainly is going out with a bang this week: 5 coworkers were laid off on Tuesday, one of them in spectacular fashion.  While I had worked with most of them for many years, I was particularly close to one of them.  We started at this organization one day apart, and we joked that he was like the 14-year-old brother I never had.  You might recall that my boss left unexpectedly 2 weeks ago. It really has been a shitty few weeks.

I know I talk a lot about Mercury Retrograde, but rest assured that I don’t really believe in it or astrology.  Not a lot anyway.  It’s simply nice to have something to blame or identify a cause or reason instead of the indifferent universe when something shitty happens.  I find it a bit ironic that I am currently reading Lean In when after the recent events, I want to lean back so far that I’m out of the picture.  But I have to keep it together for my team so that they won’t run screaming from the building.

Yesterday in Performance Leadership, we learned about different generations in the workplace.  I’m Gen X (bitter, jaded and cynical naturally), but I’m on the cusp of being Gen Y.  Gen Y wants to do meaningful work or find meaning in their work.  The Xer in me wants to roll my eyes and tell them to get over it because there’s a reason why it’s called “work” and not “fun.”  “Meaningful” for Gen Y is often interpreted derisively as a job that contributes to saving the planet or protesting for Tibetan freedom or something.  Meaningful work is relative to the worker, though.  For one employee, it might be work that compensates them fairly and allows them to live how they wish.  For another it might be an ethical workplace.

As a Gen X/Y cusper, I understand that quest to do work that is meaningful.  I am passionate and very proud of the work my organization does to help NC industry and how my efforts support that.  I’ve always been able to find meaning.  No matter how boring a class, I was always able to find something interesting or redeemable about it. Something that elevated it past mere drudgery. It’s a very useful mindset.  My team consists of two young Gen Yers, so I’m trying to focus on the importance of our work during this chaotic time.  It’s hard, though, because what do you do when your Gen X clashes with your Gen Y?  What happens when you are still able to find Gen Y meaning in what you do but that ol’ Gen X distrust rears its ugly head? When the bitterness outweighs the optimism?


Last night on Twitter I had a nice conversation with Schmutzie and Bon about Get Off My Internets (GOMI).  I read GOMI.  I admit it.  If you want to stop following or shun me because of it, so be it.  I understand the criticism of GOMI, and I acknowledge that threads can deteriorate quickly into personal attacks instead of criticizing the behavior.  I also acknowledge that some of the members can be mean bitches with axes to grind.  I like the snark, but I’m really interested in the function GOMI serves as a counterweight to the blogosphere. I admit that it’s weird because bloggers are actual humans (most of them anyway), and it’s sort of weird to talk about them as if they are in the public domain like a celebrity.  But in a way they are.  And there’s some stupid shit that goes on in the blogosphere.  My bottom line is this:  if you delete comments that are mildly critical or questioning something you’ve posted about; if you allow only sycophantic fans to post glowing comments; if you do stupid shit; if you endanger your child; if you…ah screw it.  I guess it comes back to what I wrote in my post on criticism: you do not exist in a vacuum.  If you blog publicly, you put yourself out there and people will notice you.  Not everyone will like you.  People will judge your choices and opinions.  And that’s OK.  Because we’re human, and that’s what humans do. Surely there is room for a happy medium between “OMG U R the best” and “you’re a fat, jealous hater.”  Am I being ridiculous?  I’m comfortable among the gray instead of living in black or white.

Listen to Your Mother

Things are moving along quite nicely. Marty and I held auditions on three nights last week and heard 40 amazing readers.  Today we think we finalized our cast list.  We have also revealed our charity partner and have scored three sponsorships.  In short, there’s a lot going on, and I urge to subscribe to our LTYM site to stay in the loop!  May 8 doesn’t sound nearly as far away as it did only a few weeks ago!


So long, Google Reader.  I shouldn’t be surprised that Google has made another decision that is so astonishingly bad it defies belief.  Do they understand who their users are? Do they understand that not only do people still blog but also still read blogs? Fine, Google.  Continue to put all of your resources and spend your social capital on Google Plus, something no one uses, instead of promoting and supporting the services a lot of people use.  We’ll see how that plays out in a few years.  I’ve updated my rant about Google from last Fall to include an update on the demise of Reader.


So that’s my week.  I’m bummed and numb and down.  I haven’t been sleeping well thanks to the time change, and I cried three times yesterday.  I’m reading and following along but seldom able to comment.

I hope you’ve had a better week.

White Deer

snow, sleet, ice in North Carolina


A few days ago, Daniel and I were driving through our neighborhood, almost home, when he asked, “What’s in that yard?” I was dutifully looking straight ahead, but I started checking out what was on either side of me to figure out what he was talking about, and it was then that I saw them.  At first I thought they were dogs running like crazy from the house on the left.  Then I realized they were deer.  Three young deer.  They raced across the front yard of the house on the left, leaped across the road and raced across the yard of the house on the right into the trees.

It took a few seconds for my brain to process what it saw: two young brown deer and one white deer.  We live in an area with lots of trees, so seeing deer isn’t unusual.  As a matter of fact, Daniel and I watched 5 deer wander around our back yard last weekend.  It’s not unusual for me to see deer crossing the street: deer are notorious for darting across the street with little notice where I work.   However, I had never seen a white deer before.

I joked on Twitter that I hoped the white deer wasn’t a sign of doom or death.  I looked it up, and white deer symbolize purity, an impending spiritual quest or a message from the gods that you had transgressed a taboo.

My imagination took over, and I started wondering what message the white deer had for me based on what is going on in my life right now.  Had I committed some grievous sin against the universe?  Notice how I instantly go for the worst interpretation.  Am I about to be tested by a spiritual journey? I kind of hope not because I think that’s what the last year or so has been.  No more testing, please!

In truth, I’m sure the white deer is simply a white deer.  It happened to cross my path because I was in the right place at the right time.

Sometimes I envy the ancient civilizations.  We modern humans often roll our eyes and laugh at how they attributed everything that happened in their world to a sign from their gods.  How they had huge number of deities governing every aspect of their lives.  We think how primitive their thinking and their understanding of science were.  How very precious these first civilizations were!

Yet, these people felt connected to their gods.  They felt like their gods were literally everywhere and took an interest in their lives and their world.  If the crops failed, perhaps they had displeased a god.  If the harvest was bountiful, the god was pleased with them.  It is simplistic but reassuring at the same time: there is something bigger than they are keeping watch and taking notes.  And if they had transgressed, there were definitive actions they thought they needed to take to make it better: offerings, sacrifice, rituals.  Possibly brutal and disgusting to modern sensibilities, but I can imagine how it would have been a relief to feel like you could do something to change your luck in the world.

I contrast that with how often I want to look for a sign, a symbol, a message in nature, in a certain song on the radio, in a dream before acknowledging the more likely randomness of events.  During the darkest days of our time in infertility hell, I often wondered WHY we had been selected for this outcome.  Were we being tested like Job?  And what about those who had children with little effort?  Were they truly better people?  Were we being punished?  More importantly, was there something we could do to right our karma?

The truth is that life doesn’t work that way.  Life is a crap shoot and sometimes you’re up; other times you’re down.  No omnipotent, omniscient being is picking on you, even if it seems like that.  White deer running across the road are simply white deer running across the road.

I long to believe there are mysteries in the universe yet to be solved; that there is more to life than what it seems.  My heart tells me one thing while my stubborn brain tells me another.


I had a three-day weekend last weekend, and it was much anticipated and very nice.  I needed it because I was not looking forward to the work week to come.  Things are a little crazy at work right now with uncertainty due to the recently-announced need for a “mid-year correction.”  The week was culminating in two days of meetings for the entire staff and then another meeting afterwards that I was dreading.  I was in a bad mood all week and just knew it was going to be a bad, no good, horrible week. When you dread Friday, you know you’ve got problems.

Suddenly, mid-way through the week, things started to change.  I skipped a day-long meeting and had a quiet day in the office to catch up on some work, picking up Daniel a little early so we could cook dinner and have a little more time together.  Thursday, mere hours before the staff meeting started, the Friday portion of the meeting was cancelled due to impending bad weather.  With snow/sleet/ice threatening, Jimmy urged us both to stay home on Friday, keeping Daniel home with us since we didn’t want to be caught trying to navigate nasty roads with him in the car.

Friday morning, the nasty weather started earlier than expected, and I was grateful we decided to stay home.  I got some work done, and then we three snuggled and watched it sleet all day.  I even took a nap.  It was a lovely, low-key day.  An unexpected…sleet day and another three-day weekend.  I told Jimmy that the week had ended beautifully, much, much better than I had thought it would even only a few days earlier.

Maybe white deer…maybe there are some mysteries still left.



Finding a Moment to Cherish

Happy Hump Day!  I’ve always hated that expression; it seems crude to me, so of course it makes perfect sense that I just used it.  Today I’m over at Liberating Working Moms with a post about hectic schedules as a working parent and the resulting worry and guilt about quality time with Daniel.  It turns out that we do have a moment to cherish each night.

If you have a moment, please read about our cherished moment and share yours.

Career Paths Not Taken


Careers I Abandoned by the End of Elementary School

  • Singer – my family used to call me “Juice” for Juice Newton because I loved the song “Queen of Hearts.” They did not necessarily mean it as a compliment.
  • Artist/Chef – I think I was going to cook during the day and paint at night.  The fact that I have no artistic ability did not deter me.
  • Family Doctor – No specialty for me.  I wanted to be a simple general practitioner.  I think that I had played one too many games of Life and was lured by the high salary and respect a doctor commanded.  I abandoned it when I realized I didn’t have a burning desire to heal people (at least physically).

Careers I Abandoned by the End of Middle School

  • Lawyer – I was disillusioned by a meeting with a bona fide lawyer during career day in the 8th grade.  He told us it didn’t matter whether he thought his client was guilty; it was up to him to defend his client and for the prosecution to prove their case.  I was shocked.  How could he defend someone who might be guilty of the crime for which they were accused?  Oh, 13-year-old naivete and innocence.
  • Advertising Account Executive – Wow, dreaming big here.  I pored over the career books in the local public library and kept returning to a career in advertising.  I liked to write and liked the idea of helping create influential campaigns.  Or something like that. Or maybe I was presciently tapping into the creation of Mad Men.

Careers I Abandoned by the End of High School

  • President of the United States – I briefly thought about being the first female President.  I would be a benevolent dictator and the country would reach a new golden age under my careful, wise governance. And then I realized I didn’t really have the stomach for politics or the fact that I’d need to lead a squeaky-clean life.  This was 1992, and I was 15-years-old.
  • Actress – I started participating in community theater when I was 8 and also performed in school and church plays.  Of course I would at some point fantasize about becoming an award-winning actress, a stunningly-beautiful and talented movie star.  I eventually realized that I liked to eat and didn’t really have the mentality or the drive to be a starving artist.

Careers I Abandoned by the End of College

  • School Psychologist – I was awarded a Teaching Fellows scholarship and when I entered college, my ultimate career goal was to be a psychologist, and I hoped I could fulfill my Teaching Fellow requirements by being a school psychologist.  That plan was foiled because at the time, school psychology was not one of the approved jobs.  Wouldn’t you know that a year or so later, school psychology was added.  By then it was too late though because…
  • Psychologist – I eagerly took my first psychology course and couldn’t wait to learn all about the mysteries of the mind.  I was disappointed, though, because everything about our personalities and feelings seemed to be reduced to chemicals and mis-firing synapses.  I wanted to be a therapist and help people using words, not drugs.
  • Teacher (Theater, ESL, English) – Oh, I tried so hard to find a teaching path that worked for me.  I thought about teaching theater.  After a class project, I thought about teaching ESL.  I finally settled on teaching high school English because I was an English major, loved literature and wanted to become a professor eventually.  Small children were not for me, so I thought high school English would be fun.  I completed student teaching and all the requirements for licensure but admitted to myself shortly after graduation that my heart wasn’t in it. 
  • Professor – Once upon a time I dreamed about being a comparative literature professor.  My languages would be French and German. I had been accepted into the MA program in English at NC State and planned to pursue a doctorate elsewhere.  After I decided not to teach, I realized that being a professor was kind of like teaching and it seemed silly to pursue it.  Plus, I was tired of school and wanted to work.  I also liked the idea of, you know, making money. One day when I retire, I plan to return to grad school to earn a graduate degree in English for fun.  Yeah, I’m weird like that.

Careers I Abandoned by the End of Graduate School

  • Public librarian – I entered grad school thinking I wanted to be a public librarian.  I wanted a job that wasn’t very stressful and didn’t ramp up my anxiety like my current workplace did (keep in mind that my anxiety was self-induced. My job was in no way stressful).  I was tired of what I was doing and thought that being a librarian would be fun and a change of pace.  Keep in mind that I knew nothing about actual librarianship at that time.  After a few courses, I decided that I was interested in other things and hated cataloging.

Career Paths I Am Likely to Abandon in the Future

  • Business intelligence developer
  • Lady of leisure
  • Information broker
  • Market Researcher
  • Benevolent despot
  • Web developer
  • Social media researcher
  • Lottery winner

In short, I’m 34-years-old and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

What was the most surprising job you wanted to have when you were younger?  How do you feel about what you are doing now vs what you thought you would be doing?


  • People are starting to find my blog via searches for “Trixie and Jim fan fiction.”  I am highly amused by this.  My work here is done!
  • I’m having a touch of writer’s block (obviously-see above post).  Inspire me – suggest a few topics for me.  Anything goes, even if it’s silly.  Or, questions?