mayan apocalypse

Checking My List After the Apocalypse That Wasn’t

It appears that we have survived the Mayan Apocalypse.  Either the prophecy was a bust or I’m living in some sort of alternate universe. Darn Mayans.  It’s got to be a little embarrassing since we’ve been hearing about 12/21/12 for years and nothing happened.  Another doomsday prophecy that failed to deliver!   Since we’re still here, we need to finish those Christmas preparations after all.  Let’s take a look at my to-do list, shall we?

Crossed-Off the To-Do List

  • Christmas cards created and mailed (mostly – we ran out of stamps and have to get more, so if your card doesn’t arrive until after Christmas, my apologies)
  • Christmas shopping finished (mostly – we still need one more gift.  Fun fact: did you know that there is a limit to the amount of alcohol you can buy at the ABC store without needing a permit? Also, our house looks like an Amazon warehouse)
  • Annual holiday trek to the mall, the result of which causes us to question the future of humanity and leave somewhat enraged and quite over our “fellow man.”  There should be a holiday merit badge for surviving a trip to the mall this time of year
  • Christmas tree skirt picked up from the dry cleaners and ready to put around the tree never mind.  Skirt won’t be ready until Monday.  What’s another few days?
  • Gift cards for daycare teachers dropped off (although one had already left for the year, so she won’t get it  until 2013.  It’s the thought that counts, right?)

Not Completed

  • Gifts wrapped and under the tree.  We brought down the wrapping paper; does that count?
  • Seasonal crafts made w/ Daniel in order to imbue the joy of the season.  Um not so much.  In addition to feeling like crap this week, the light in our kitchen went out yesterday, making it impossible to see to do anything.  Jimmy had to replace the ballast in our light.  Nothing like a little home improvement over the holidays!
  • Festive holiday films watched (We started Christmas Vacation but haven’t finished it)
  • Menu for Christmas Eve dinner planned and procured (frozen pizza could work, right?)
  • Exterior illumination completed (still lacking an extension cord for one set of lights)

I feel so unprepared for the fact that Christmas is next week. Next week!  How did that happen? It’s almost laughable how not ready we are. It’s not how I wanted it to be.  I have Norman Rockwell visions of a perfect, meaningful holiday.  Usually it doesn’t pan out, but this year it’s so far from being perfect, it’s ridiculous.

I’m no Martha Stewart, but I promise we are more organized and prepared than this usually.  I chalk it up to this year, to 2012 constantly throwing curve balls.

But that’s OK.  Jimmy and I have gotten to the point where we have accepted that nothing is going according to plan or desire.  We have to accept it because we are out of time.  Christmas is next week, and we are going out of town for our first Christmas event.  The presents may not be wrapped and under the tree until Christmas Eve.  We may not get to do any of the traditions we have worked hard to create over the years.  It is what it is.  Time for me to shrug and move on.

Low expectations feel freeing too.  This year, we’ll just do our thing, and it may be more about getting through Christmas.  As long as the three of us are together and healthy (please, universe, please!), that’s all that matters.



Mayan Apocalypse Bucket List - I wonder if the Mayans predicted the end of their civilization as accurately as they are predicting the end of the world

Friends, the time is nigh.  We have less than a month before Dec. 21 arrives and the world ends…how?  In fire? In ice?  Yes, I’m talking about the much-hyped Mayan apocalypse.  The problem is that those wily Mayans didn’t give us any help in figuring out how the world would end.  Their calendar simply ended and since they weren’t considerate enough to leave a Post-It for us, we don’t know if they ever got around to starting a new calendar (you know, environmental disasters, a collapsing civilization and being invaded tend to prevent mundane tasks like paying bills, making calendars etc) or how we should interpret the lack of a calendar.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I’ve read the theories that Dec. 21, 2012 means only the end of one cycle and beginning of the next, but aren’t conspiracy theories about impending cataclysms much more amusing?

Since we (possibly) have very little time left on this blue orb, it might be nice to come up with a list of things I want to do before we collectively shuffle off this mortal coil.  I present to you my Mayan Apocalypse Bucket List:

  1. Win Powerball (current jackpot estimated at $500 million.  That’s half a billion dollars!)
  2. Tell the annoying guy at work exactly what I think of him
  3. Disavow current atheism and frantically find religion
  4. Let Daniel dress in Thomas & Friends pajamas every day for the next month
  5. Let Daniel eat Bagel Bites and Kit Kats every day or until he gets tired of them, whichever comes first
  6. Buy Jimmy front-row tickets to the next scheduled Lady Gaga concert (I might need #1 first)
  7. Fly to Europe in first class
  8. Gorge on salt & vinegar potato chips (who cares about weight when the world is ending!)
  9. Get a 4th cat
  10. Hire a housekeeper to clean up after 4 cats
  11. Get the really expensive pedicure that involves hot lava stones, cabana boys and champagne
  12. Finish the 50 Shades of Gray trilogy (just kidding)
  13. Quit work and write Trixie Belden fan fiction full time. Jim & Trixie 4Eva!
  14. Tell Gwyneth Paltrow how insufferable I find her
  15. Download all the books I want to my iPad just in case the world doesn’t end immediately and we have some time to kill
  16. Vodka.  Or wine.  Or both.  I know…champagne!
  17. Call up former friends and tell them what spineless pieces of crap they are
  18. Prepare time capsule for discovery by aliens or future races.  Time capsule contains a Blackberry, Twilight saga, a can of Red Bull and a ColdPlay CD. Giggle at thought of aliens’ befuddlement.
  19. Go to the beach one last time and hope it won’t be like that scene in Deep Impact with Tea Leoni and her father on the beach.  I’m afraid of tidal waves.
  20. Hugs.  Hugs to everyone but especially my guys.

What is on your Mayan Apocalypse Bucket List?