In prior years, I felt very sentimental on New Year’s Eve and spent time plumbing the depths of the year to acknowledge the good and bad, come to terms with my feelings and (often tearily) say, “godspeed” to the year, recognizing this year would never occur again. More recently, I can barely be bothered to shrug and raise a glass. Heaven knows I don’t see midnight very often any longer. The shrug isn’t meant to denote antipathy; it is more of a “holy shit. The year is ending already? How is that possible? It feels like it just started!” Life has become a blur, and I’m not sure I could sift through it comprehensively if I wanted to.
But our year deserves something on its way out, doesn’t it? A virtual “Kilroy was Here.”
I don’t think I’d describe 2014 as a great year, but it wasn’t bad. It was stressful and full of worry and anxiety, especially about Daniel’s school situation. Full of change. I went through another re-org at work, got yet another new boss (who is amazing by the way) and moved offices twice but packed three times. When I return to work on January 5, I will be in a(nother) new space in a new building. We’re up-ending systems and technology, and there are so many new faces at work that I have trouble keeping them straight. Jimmy went through a lot of the same although he is now able to work from home, which brings its own highs and lows.
2014 brought lots of snow; snow is different as an adult with school-age children, especially living in an area which still shuts down at the threat of snow. We had two months of sickness, and I wore glasses for 6 weeks thanks to episcleritis. No, I don’t think I would classify the first half, definitely the first third, of the year as good.
Our second year of Listen to Your Mother was a success with two nearly sold-out shows, and I can add another dozen wonderful women to those I met in 2013 during our first production year.
Daniel is thriving at his school, and his kindergarten year is going well. He is reading and doing simple math. He is sassy, funny, bossy and sweet.
It sounds so positive, yet why do I feel so down? Part of it may be my own over-sentimentality when it comes to change and endings. Part of it may be due to the holidays. They were stressful, as they tend to be when you the adult in charge of making magic. It didn’t help that it rained on Christmas Eve, as well as several days before and several days after. The back yard is soggy, and little boys need to expend energy they haven’t been able to. I think we all have a touch of cabin fever, and I feel precious vacation time seeping away faster and faster, making me fret: “have we made memories? Have we done good stuff this year? Can we point to any accomplishments or successes? Are we happy???”
Two beach trips. Lego Fest. A house over-run with Legos built by a little boy who has become an amazingly proficient Lego builder. Snow. Maybe too much snow. Good food. Lots of books. Lots of good shows watched on TV. A $250,000 grant awarded at work. Rewatching The Office. Making friends. Defending loved ones and standing up to people when they need it. Laughter. Love.
Not too shabby.
I have stopped making resolutions, and I’ve realized that years are seldom good or bad but usually a mix, especially as we age. So I’ll say this: goodbye, 2014. Welcome, 2015. It’s a blank slate, and may it be kind to us all.