The W-Word

Sweet smile!

Tomorrow is the day. The day the “W”-word becomes reality once again. Work. I’m kind of happy about getting back to work, but I’m dreading it too. I’ve really enjoyed the last 12 weeks, and I could see myself doing it for a long time. I’m dreading tomorrow, though. Quite a bit of it is due to separation anxiety from Daniel. I know he’ll be fine with J’s mom–coddled, loved, and spoiled!!! I worry that he’ll forget me–or even worse–wonder where I’ve gone. That’s silly, especially this first week when I’m working only half days. We’ve been apart for hours before due to other appointments, and all has been well. The next week will be fine. I think part of me is just dreading the transition back to work. I don’t deal with change very well, and I’ve been dreading tomorrow for weeks which has allowed it to build up in my mind. Plus, I know there have been a lot of changes at work in the last 12 weeks, so it almost feels like I’m starting a new job.

I’ve prepared for tomorrow by getting my hair cut and a much-needed pedicure. The toes look great! Hopefully my hair will still look cute after I wash it tonight 🙂 I even have my outfit planned out. See, it really is like the first day of school! Heck, I even have Daniel’s outfit planned out!

Daniel and his favorite book

We’ve had a good weekend. The three of us were extremely lazy on Friday…all of us slept late, not getting up for the day until 11 on Friday. Go Daniel! Saturday was my day of beauty, so I left Daniel to J and headed off. I returned around 4, and Daniel and I headed to the first birthday party for a friend’s little boy while J ran errands. There were several babies at the party, all older than Daniel, and it was nice talking to some other moms. The birthday boy was adorable! Sunday we’ve caught up on housework and other miscellaneous tasks. The washer and dryer have been humming all day, and I think there is sweeping in my future. It was nice because we all got up around 10 and while I would have loved more sleep, it was nice being up early and feeling like we had the whole day ahead of us.

Daniel met his cousin L on Wednesday, and the two of them were adorable. She is 2 weeks old but weighs what he did at one month though still so tiny! Daniel seemed fascinated and held her hand and rubbed his leg on her leg. My baby boy–formerly so tiny–looked huge in comparison! I hope to get them together again soon, and it will be fun to watch them get bigger.

We did have our first baby emergency on Thursday. I noticed what looked like a little blood in Daniel’s diaper early afternoon. I saw it again during a diaper change later that afternoon and called the pediatrician. They wanted us to come in immediately (with the diaper!), so D and I headed to the doctor’s at 4:45. J met us there. D was in good spirits, and the doctor didn’t see anything wrong with him, so we think it may have been something in his milk. We haven’t seen any more blood and fingers crossed that we won’t!

This is kind of a boring post…pretty mundane stuff! Keep your fingers crossed that tomorrow is a good day for me and that the week goes smoothly. I know I’ll be fine in a week or so. I just had a really great time with Sweet Boy over the last 12 weeks, and it was nice having a break from capital W-ork even though I wouldn’t say that I had no “work” to do.

Happy boy

Over the last 12 weeks, I’ve kissed D thousands of times. I’ve watched lots of Law & Order and Cold Case. I’ve read Moo, Baa, La, La, La probably 50 times. I’ve changed a billion diapers. I’ve rocked Daniel to sleep hundreds of times. I’ve sung to him more than I can count. I even read around 10 or 12 books. I’ve watched him change from a tiny, scrawny newborn to a plump, active 11-week-old who likes to chat and coo.

I’ve had a great time. It was a great summer vacation. My primary goal is to maintain perspective as I return to work and keep work firmly in its slot and family in a much bigger slot. I’m excited that it is almost fall and the fun we are going to have with our sweet boy.

Fingers crossed that I survive Monday!

If you keep eating your hand, you won’t be hungry for lunch

Hiiiiiiiii

The title of this post is an homage to the late John Hughes, writer and director of The Breakfast Club, one of my favorite movies. Fun fact: its soundtrack was one of the first CDs I bought back in the day. The title also is apt because I’ve caught myself saying it over and over to Daniel lately. You see, he has discovered his hands! He loves putting a fist in his mouth. He tries to suck his thumb but hasn’t quite managed it consistently yet. He is brilliant at sucking his fist, however. I’ll be holding him and cuddling him and all the sudden this appallingly loud sucking sound will begin, and I know he is going to town on his fist. It’s quite cute 🙂 Of course, I may be prejudiced, but everything he does is cute 🙂

Daniel will be 11 weeks on Tuesday! The peach fuzz I raved about in the last post has become longer and his eyelashes are gorgeously long and dark, which is a relief since right now his eyebrows are light, so he looks like he doesn’t have any (hopefully that will be remedied in time). We are constantly amazed at how much like a little boy he looks. Still a baby, but there is no mistaking his gender.

He has started to laugh a little. It started one early morning when I was rocking him and in addition to his sleepy grins, he let out a high-pitched sound suspiciously like a giggle. He’s done it a few more times since then. And he is quite a mimic. He and J had me in hysterics on night when J frowned at him and Daniel frowned in return several times. It’s great because when he smiles now, it reaches his eyes. He has a smile and then he has a grin. When he’s really amused, he sticks out his tongue while he grins.

Stretchhhhhhhhhhhhh!

He is a LOT more energetic, and that has taken some getting used to. One thing no one warned me about was how sore you can become caring for a baby. For the last few weeks, I have been constantly sore on one side of my body or the other from picking him up, carrying him, playing with him, etc. It’s all in my neck and arms. I knew that I would be exhausted, but I wasn’t prepared for the soreness. There need to be baby weight classes at gyms to prepare your muscles for their new workout. I keep telling myself that picking him up is just as good as working out with my free weights 🙂 J and I both anticipate trips to the chiropractor and massages in our near future. I’m not kidding. I’ve never been this sore before!

Sadly, this is the last full week of my maternity leave. We’ve had a change in the daycare situation in that J’s mother has volunteered to watch Daniel for us. After working out the details, we accepted, and we feel really good about it. We’ve been getting items ready to take to her house. I know Daniel will be fine–great in fact–but this week is hard. I look at him and just want to clasp him to me and hug him hard. It feels weird to be getting ready to re-enter the real world. I feel like so much has changed while I’ve been home. We did make a big change in our vehicle situation. I think I posted several months ago that my car needed repairs and we thought about trading it in. Well, we’re glad we didn’t because thanks to the Cash for Clunkers program, I am the proud owner of a 2010 Honda Pilot!!! It is soooo nice, and I feel very safe in it. Not that I didn’t feel safe in my previous car, but it was 11 years old and had a lot of miles, and it’s just nice to be in a new car. I’ve barely gotten a chance to drive it because I don’t really go anywhere right now.

A little overwhelmed here

But back to Daniel. He is flirting with sleeping through the night. About a week ago, he stunned us by sleeping from 10-5. J was so shocked that he ended up waking me up too because he couldn’t believe that Daniel had slept that long. The next night Daniel slept 6 hours. He’s been doing that off and on since then. I have to admit that we have not been great about setting up a schedule with Daniel. I guess you could put us into the baby-led category (as opposed to parent-led). I’m a little embarrassed because I’m a fairly regimented person and I’ve had 11 (almost 12) weeks to try to figure out a schedule. But Daniel is such a laid back baby that I don’t mind letting him set his own schedule. I’m sure once I return to work, he’ll start getting into more of a set schedule (since I won’t be able to try to sleep late!). He does typically have late-morning and mid-afternoon naps (in theory anyway), and we try to put him down around 8 or 9 for bed. I’ve been researching baby schedules fairly vigorously in the last few weeks but there are so many pros and cons to each type. I’m learning along with him 🙂

It amazes us what a different baby he is from a few weeks ago. I’ve loved each stage he’s gone through and look forward to the next leap.

I have some dear friends going through tough times medically right now (you know who you are). Please keep them in your thoughts. Also, friend K has given birth to her twins a teens bit early, but they are doing well. Congrats to her and please keep them in your thoughts as well!

Time Passes

Daniel and Daddy on Daniel's two-month birthday

There’s a line in Virginia Woolf’s novel To A Lighthouse that says simply “Time Passes.” It is the only indication that there has been a transition between one part of the novel to the the next. It is very subtle and easily missed. I’m not a huge fan of Virginia Woolf (sacrilege?), but ever since I read that novel, that line has stuck in my mind, and forgive the pretension, but it perfectly describes this summer.

Daniel had his two-month birthday on Sunday, August 2 and turned 9 weeks on Tuesday, August 4. He celebrated those milestones on Monday by having his two-month shots. Ouch. Poor baby. The appointment was going along swimmingly until the dreaded time came. The shots passed quickly, but he was bleeding and cried and cried. And I wanted to cry too 😦 I couldn’t even comfort him as fervently as I would like because I needed to keep pressure on his bleeding thigh so it wouldn’t bruise. For the rest of the day, he slept and has been a little fussy every since. His stats are impressive, though. He now weighs 10lb, 11oz and is 23 inches long. It is amazing to think that he weighed only 6lb, 7oz when he was born. He has put on over 4 pounds in two months, two of them in the last month!

Post-shot fatigue

Last night J and I looked through all of our pictures of him–quite a few as you can imagine!–and it was quite a walk down memory lane. The t-shirts that swam on him when he came home now strain over his belly. We joke he looks like Homer Simpson when he wears them. His legs have filled out, and he’s so long! He lost some of the hair with which he was born and after I was slightly distressed by the receding hairline he appeared to have a few weeks ago, he has grown new, quite blonde peach fuzz on top. And his eye lashes!!! They are long and dark, and I noticed yesterday that his bottom lashes are coming in. I think he may have been going through a growth spurt a week or so ago, and now I know where it was focused: his hair and lashes. His cheeks are so firm and chubby, and he has a definite double chin and possibly the beginning of a triple chin.

His behavior has changed too. I can now identify several different cries: I’m pissed; I’m annoyed; I’m hungry; I’m wet; I’m kinda mad but not really and just want to get your attention; I’m a poor baby and please pick me up. They really are different! He has become quite chatty and grins up a storm at us. I love it! He and J have fabulous conversations. I swear that he has made sounds like “Momma” and “hi” in response to me. I know that is developmentally impossible, but it really does sound like it! Of course, I also think my cats say “Momma” too.

This week when we put him on his play mat, he has started looking at the dangling animals with greater interest as if he is trying to figure out how to get them but hasn’t mastered control of his arms yet. It’s like he’s observing his world more and more and wanting to interact with it. My brilliant boy!

Being silly

I’m amazed it is August. The summer is almost over. I’ve had 9 glorious weeks at home with Daniel and must start thinking about returning to work in a few weeks. That will be very bittersweet because I feel like we’ve been in our little insulated world while I’ve been home, and I’m re-entering reality. I keep reminding myself that the rest of the year is filled with holidays and time off and will pass quickly. But August???? It feels like yesterday we were getting the call that he was on the way. That first night home is still vivid. But we are fall people in my house. Though I’m not eager for him to grow up too quickly, I look forward to taking him to a pumpkin patch and posing him with pumpkins. I look forward to dressing him in cooler weather outfits and showing him fall colors. I think most of all, it amazes me that this time last year, he didn’t exist yet. We started cycling in August of last year. How different 2009 is. August is a memorable month because in a few days, we will reach the 4th anniversary of when we first started trying to have a family. Four years. Four years ago I never dreamed it would take four years, but I would have taken some comfort in knowing that we would reach our goal. In previous years, I’ve marked this anniversary sadly, hoping next year, some year it would be different.

This year, 2009, it is different. Finally. Time passes. 9 weeks. Four years. We have been blessed with a beautiful, sweet, wonderful baby boy, and we love him so much.

Happy 9 weeks, pumpkin! Can’t wait to see how you continue to change!

Lord, What Fools These Parents Be!

He smiles!!

Daniel here. I am now 8 weeks old, and I suppose things are going well. My favorite books are A Tale of Two Cities and War and Peace…ha ha!!! Just kidding. Actually, I much prefer Moo, Baa, La La La! Mommy reads it to me and makes such funny sounds. It is quite amusing!

Things in my house had been going along swimmingly, and I could see the smugness on my parents’ faces that they thought they had me figured out. I interpreted that as a challenge and decided to shake things up. Instead of eating every three hours, I decided to eat only 2 ounces every two hours. Oh, and let’s not forget the “fussiness” I developed during feedings. I chuckled as I saw Mommy almost pulling her hair out to figure out what was going on. As the piece de resistance, I began staying up after my 7 am bottle instead of going back to sleep. Poor Mommy! I could see these dark smudges under her eyes, and I felt a bit bad about keeping her up, so I threw her a bone after a few days of this new behavior and started cooing and grinning at her. She seemed to like that a lot.

Daniel humors mommy on his play mat

Speaking of expressions, Mommy and Daddy like to get right in my face and make these weird faces and sounds. It is so amusing that it makes me smile and laugh. Really-how could I not smile and laugh when they are making these ridiculous faces at me! The parents really, really like those expressions, so I like to make them happy. Nothing like a full grin and coo while they change a stinky diaper!

Sometimes in the afternoons Mommy will put me on a mat with dangling…things. I think they are animals, but I’m not completely convinced. Mommy seems to want me to do something with the dangling things, so I’ll humor her by not crying and coo for a few minutes before melting down. Maybe one day I’ll understand what to do.

I've got your chin, daddy!

This week Mommy and Daddy started a bedtime routine for me. They change me into my sleep attire (a t-shirt and swaddle), help me say goodnight to the house, and read stories to me in the rocking chair in my room. Typically three-four stories. It’s nice. I fuss a bit, but I settle down. I like to hear them read to me.

I overheard Mommy refer to me as the “Tiny Dictator” in the last few days, and I like that. It seems appropriate. They dance to my bidding, and it amuses me.

I think I’ll keep them.

Six Weeks!

Daniel channels Napoleon; appropriate for being 6 weeks old on Bastille Day!

Happy six weeks to Daniel! I can’t believe he is six weeks old already. It’s funny because I occasionally watch TLC’s Bringing Home Baby (see, it’s not all Law & Order reruns in my house), and when I see those newborns, I go, “awww! I remember when Daniel was that little and, well, swollen and smushed LOL.” Daniel is going through a growth spurt, and his schedule is shot to hell frankly. Sometimes he eats every 2 hours; sometimes like last night, he goes 5 hours between feedings. That also means that at night, he tends to go to sleep later, and he both sleeps longer and wakes up more often (possibly a situation like Schrodinger’s Cat).

We weighed him with our digital scale on Sunday, and I was shocked to discover that according to our scale, he weighs 9 pounds, 8 ounces…over a pound more than at his pediatrician’s appointment on July 2! I’m unsure whether I fully believe that he has gained so much weight in such a short time, but at the same time, sometimes I look at him and swear he has tripled in size! I love seeing his arms and legs chub up, though. He is quite roly poly! I guess the weight gain means that he will be moving up to a bigger size clothes very soon. No more newborn items for him!

Recently he has discovered the mobiles in his crib and Pack n Play and LOVES them! I’ll try to post a video later in the week. He turns his head to them and watches them move and listens to the music. Sometimes he pumps his legs like he is dancing along. Sooo cute! It is remarkable because a week ago, he had no interest, and now he does. He is responding well to music but isn’t grabbing at items on his bouncy seat or play mat yet, but he has started grabbing at hair and chins. He sees me all day, but when J comes home, he wriggles in recognition. I swallow my offense because it’s so cute!

I intended him to wear this outfit home from the hospital, but it didn't happen. Cutie pie!

We left him with J’s mom on Monday so we could attend baptism class for him, and we both felt so weird leaving him even though it was only for 1.5 hours and we trust her 100%. I can’t imagine what it will feel like when I leave him at daycare. Speaking of which, six weeks today for him marks 6 weeks down of leave for me as well. Only six more weeks to go and then I must return to work (unless I win the lottery–drawings every Wednesday and Saturday). I know that I am very fortunate to have 12 paid weeks off when so many of my friends and family have only had 6 or 8 weeks, but I’m dreading the end of my leave. I keep reminding myself that the fall always goes by quickly, and I’ll have lots of holidays with him as well as 2 full weeks off in December (yay state employees!!! Assuming I still have a job…). He’ll be fine and make lots of friends, I know.

Things Daniel likes this week:

• Harry Potter (yay, since we are leaving him with grandma again tomorrow to go see it!)
• The Departed: oddly fascinated. He’s alllllll boy.

J and I watched BBC’s Addicted to Surrogacy on Sunday and quite enjoyed it. Amazingly, it was very well done. Each surrogate except for one had done multiple surrogacies, but the supposed addiction part was hardly addressed. We really identified with one of the couples shown and found ourselves nodding along with parts of their journey. I didn’t think I would say this but kudos to BBC!

Friend E posted about another surrogacy article in the NY Times, and it was interesting. I liked that it was less sensational than previous pieces, but it focused a lot on addressing surrogacy with your children, and I felt uncomfortable with how the various parents addressed surrogacy with their children. They started mentioning it VERY early on, and I’m not sure if I agree with that. J and I agree that Daniel and any other children will know about surrogacy and how they came to us but at the same time, we don’t want to emphasize it over-much. I don’t think we plan to bring it up until Daniel is 3 or 4 or at least until he understands that babies come from…somewhere. We don’t intend on hiding that Daniel came to us via surrogacy, and it is certainly nothing shameful. I don’t think that we are de-emphasizaing surrogacy and F’s role, but Daniel is our baby and that’s what is important to us and what we want to emphasize. Sometimes I am frustrated by all the additional things we have to think about and deal with thanks to having a baby through less-than-traditional means, but that’s ok. We’ll deal with it.

So, tomorrow we leave Daniel with J’s mom again while we go see Harry Potter 6. I feel less nervous about it since he’ll be at home. It’s good to get out of the house, but we miss him when we are. Welcome to parenthood, I guess!

Happy 6 weeks, Sweet Pea!

One Month Old (Belated)

Family Self-Portrait

It’s really, really hard to type with one hand! That’s one thing I’ve learned having a small baby in the house. I need to use the laptop if I want to add more than one picture to a post, and I find I have limited time to do that. I started this post last week but didn’t get to finish it until today.

Last Thursday, Daniel turned one month old (he’s 5 weeks old as of Tuesday)! He celebrated by a visit to the pediatrician for his one-month check up. He now weighs 8 pounds 5 ounces, an increase of almost 2 pounds over his birth weight! He is about 21 inches long, but that is more of an estimate since it is hard to measure the length of a wriggly baby who doesn’t want to relax! The doctor said he should be eating between 4-5 ounces per feeding, but he isn’t. He eats around 3 to 3.5 ounces per feeding. I’m trying not to sweat it. After all, he is gaining weight, correct? And I prefer to let him dictate how much he eats. Cutie pie still fits into newborn clothes, of which we don’t have many. I put him in a 0-3 month onesie, and it hung on him, so it will likely be a little longer before he can wear his other outfits.

We’ve had a great first month with him. So far, knock on wood, he is a pretty easy baby. He has started becoming rather fussy in the afternoons as of last week, so I’ve been rereading the soothing techniques from the Happiest Baby on the Block book. Fortunately, we have been major advocates of swaddling since day 1, and that helps a lot. All in all, though, if he’s going to be fussy, I’d rather him be fussy during the day and not at night! He’s still waking up to eat every 3 hours at night after a four-hour sleep stretch, but he goes back to sleep pretty easily, which is fabulous.

Happily, we haven’t holed up in the house for the last 5 weeks. He has been to the library, Target, the grocery store and to a coworker’s shower about 45 minutes away. I also took him to work last week to meet my coworkers. He was passed around and adored 🙂

[J and I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment with him. Father’s Day rolled around when he was 2.5 weeks old, and it was such a special day for us. Daniel and daddy cuddled all day. We’d always celebrated being cat parents, but it was extra special being able to celebrate Father’s Day with our baby at last. Fourth of July rolled around last weekend, and we had a small, simple party with my mother, stepfather, J’s mother and stepfather, and J’s grandparents. The 4th of July is one of J’s favorite holidays, and he really enjoyed being able to shoot off real fireworks this year with Daniel here. Daniel and I sat outside on the porch steps and watched, and he didn’t flinch once. I would be worried if his hearing hadn’t tested perfectly after birth!

I love seeing J’s face light up when he comes home and sees Daniel. I think Daniel is on the cusp of giving us a real smile. He may have bestowed one upon me yesterday when I read him a story, but I’m unsure. Maybe it was gas 🙂 Daniel has changed so much. He’s grabbing at more things, and he is so alert. I think we may have developed a bit of a routine. I’ve discovered he likes taking a late morning nap, and it’s usually his last one other than maybe a much shorter one in the afternoon until around early evening. He’s usually ready to go to bed around 10pm and then sleeps for 4 hours.

I started reading to him this week, and he really enjoys it! I’ve been worried that I have forever stunted his mental development because I haven’t done a lot with him yet, but the pediatrician assured me that right now, what matters most is cuddling him. That I can do and have done! I sing to him quite a bit. I’m a little disturbed at how maudlin some of the lyrics of lullabies are, so I modify them when I can.

He really is a sweetie, and I feel so fortunate to have him. I just marvel at his long fingers and toes and am happy that his cheeks have plumped out.

He is my baby boy, and I love him!