Female Fatigue

I spent all day listening to Dr. Ford’s testimony (credible and poignant) and Judge Kavanaugh’s testimony (belligerent and dismissive). I have read the latest allegations and cringed at the mothers and women the GOP trotted out to declare, “boys will be boys.” I’ve absorbed the comments and heard the blustering of “how can we possibly be held accountable for our actions over 30 years ago? No one will be eligible for public office” without a shred of irony.

And I’m tired.

I’m tired of being thought of as nothing more than a uterus with legs whose only worthwhile job is having babies.

I’m tired of being dismissed as inconsequential.

I’m tired of the burden of proof being extraordinary and always on the female victim.

I’m tired of being told that if something terrible happens to me in the company of a man, it is my fault.

I’m tired of worrying that my tone, my opinions, my interactions may be distasteful for no reason other than I am a woman and stepping out of line.

I’m tired of politicians actively pursuing platforms and candidates that refuse me bodily, social, and economic autonomy in order to hold onto power.

I’m tired of being blamed for it if I do everything right and still become a victim.

I’m tired of knowing that my life, my existence matters so little to men in charge (and even those not in charge).

I’m just tired.

I thought it would be different in 2018 but it isn’t and in some ways, it feels like things have gotten worse. It may be that I’m older now and more aware.

I’m tired, but I am SO angry.

Are you?

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5 comments

  1. Yep, this. All of it.

    I actually had a shred of hope, after watching the agony of this utterly broken woman reading her harrowing statement, that no one human could possibly watch that and think: I don’t believe her.

    Of course I was wrong.

  2. Amen sister. The fatigue is real. So is the rage. Had to shut my own father down (you know, the guy who has FOUR daughters and two granddaughters) when he wanted to play devil’s advocate. I was just like, “Nope. I’m too tired of this mess. I’m not engaging in a useless argument for the fun of it. Just remember your granddaughters are watching…” Then I started a group text with him and my sisters where we listed all the things we did on a regular basis when we left the house to be safe. He’s been quiet for the last day or so…

  3. Absolutely all of this. I vacillate between rage and despondence. I am ashamed and frightened of this world we live in and are trying to raise our children in. Thanks for writing, this articulates what I want to say but can’t find the right words to put on the page.

  4. Here from Mel’s Roundup. I totally agree, even though I’m writing from NZ. I’m so angry too. I’m so sick of all this, wherever in the world it all occurs. It doesn’t help that at the moment I’m surrounded by male in-laws, who have no clue, and I suspect are raising their daughters to have no clue either. Argh.

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