We had our first read-through for our Listen to Your Mother show yesterday. First of all…it is going to ROCK! We have a wider variety of posts this year thanks to word of mouth, and the show, well, I like to think of it as a diamond with many facets (look at me getting fancy). Sooo many perspectives of motherhood represented. I am SO excited about it and love the ladies participating.
Anyway, yesterday a few people mentioned to me that they didn’t know how I did it, managing a full-time job, parenting and Listen to Your Mother. I gave some answer about it being my hobby.
Well, LTYM is a hobby, but the truth is that I don’t feel like a very useful co-producer. Liisa and Marty are able to handle cast communications and getting sponsors and press. I send a few emails to potential sponsors (who never reply because these are the equivalent of cold calls), handle the web stuff and attend auditions and rehearsals, but the truth is that I feel like dead weight. I feel like there should be an asterisk by my name as in “sort of” a producer.
And if I’m being truthful, that’s the way I feel about everything. Am I a good employee? wife? parent? My answer would be that I’m fair to middling. I don’t feel like I excel at any of it. Not in the way I’d like to anyway.
The truth is that I don’t know if I have a realistic comprehension of what competence in any of those roles would look like. Does anyone? Maybe that’s the problem. We have way too many ideals and not enough reality. I know I would welcome a reality check right now.
How do you ever feel like you are doing enough, being enough, simply enough instead of what you think you ought to be or should be?
I’m 36 years old. Shouldn’t I have the answer to those questions by now?