I Want a New Body for Christmas

I have pink eye. Pink eye.  PINK EYE!  In both eyes.  I wish I were making this up.  My left eye started feeling scratchy and watery on Sunday, but I wear contacts and didn’t think too much of it.  Monday, my left eye was red and gunky, but again, I didn’t think too much of it.  Tuesday morning, though, I woke up to both eyes crusted together with nasty goo and once I pried them open, they both were red.  Angry red.  Oh lovely, I thought.

I put on my seldom-worn glasses and dropped off Daniel at daycare.  When I got home, I looked in the mirror, optimistically hoping that the redness would have faded.  Nope.  It was at that point that I accepted the inevitable: I had an infection in my eyes.

An hour at the local Fast Med, my new home-away-from-home, confirmed what I suspected:  conjunctivitis AKA pink eye. This was especially unwelcome news because I am a devoted contact lens wearer and my glasses options weren’t ideal.  I went through a rough period last year in which we couldn’t get my contact lens prescription correct, leading to major eye strain and despair on my part.  During that time I bought new glasses, and they have the incorrect prescription.  Normally they are tolerable for short periods of time, but I don’t know whether it was soreness because of the infection or who knows what, but after 30 minutes of wearing them, the left side of my face hurt like crazy.  I dug out my old glasses and while they aren’t as crisp visually, they hurt my face less.  Please feel free to laugh at me because I feel like the entire damn universe is picking on me.  I can’t go without some sort of correction because my vision is too poor.  Seriously.  I have like 20/2600 vision uncorrected.

Oh, and in case you are curious, I still have the Cold That Won’t Die.  My throat stays slightly sore, and there is so. much. snot.  I’d apologize for the snot comment but honestly, I don’t care.  As I tweeted today, there is so much sudafed running through my body, I wouldn’t be surprised if I started to make meth spontaneously. But I need to see, so I can put up with anything as long as I can do what I need to do.

old glasses and sick

Clearly at my most attractive with old glasses

However, I’m pretty pissed at my body.  I remember when I never got sick.  It was only a few short years ago.  I was immune to everything.  Now?  I think my body creates illness.  This pink eye is the last straw:  I need a new body for Christmas because my current one is clearly worn out.

Let’s see…pondering a new body… I like my fair coloring, freckles and auburn hair although I wouldn’t mind a touch more red in my hair and maybe a touch more blue in my eyes.  I would love to have perfect vision or at least vision that needed less correction.  And I could use a slightly stronger chin and a slightly less prominent nose.

I like that I’m tall, and I’d actually like to be an inch or so taller. My height and build camouflage a lot of sins 😉  I actually like my build and shape, but I would take 10 pounds off if I had the option.  A stronger immune system would be a must!  Oh, and less sensitive skin as well.

And maybe we could take inspiration from the following:

Fun fact:  I dressed up like Scully for a professor’s birthday.  That sounds dirty, but it wasn’t, I promise.  I had to put on the trench coat and collect him from his class to take him to the next part of his birthday adventure.  Oh and he was a huge X-Files fan.

Loretta Young

Loretta Young

Fun fact:  My boss at a job I worked in high school told me I resembled Loretta Young.  I don’t see it, but she’s pretty, so hey, why not.

Louise Brooks. That hair! Those cheeks!

Hedy Lamarr

Hedy Lamarr: beauty & brains

I wonder what we’d get if we mixed them all together.  Maybe something frightening.  Maybe something beautiful.

I don’t really want a new body for Christmas, but it would be nice if the one I had was well.  Please?

Who would you like to look like if you had the choice?

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3 comments

  1. You sound like Jon, the first two years the boys were in day care. He caught everything from them and I caught nothing. He had the last laugh though since I’ve had strep 3 times in the last two years!

    I recently got new glasses only because my old ones were so laughably horrible.

    Feel better soon! Also… I sent two cards to you in the mail, hopefully you have gotten them!

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