I Want a New Body for Christmas

I have pink eye. Pink eye.  PINK EYE!  In both eyes.  I wish I were making this up.  My left eye started feeling scratchy and watery on Sunday, but I wear contacts and didn’t think too much of it.  Monday, my left eye was red and gunky, but again, I didn’t think too much of it.  Tuesday morning, though, I woke up to both eyes crusted together with nasty goo and once I pried them open, they both were red.  Angry red.  Oh lovely, I thought.

I put on my seldom-worn glasses and dropped off Daniel at daycare.  When I got home, I looked in the mirror, optimistically hoping that the redness would have faded.  Nope.  It was at that point that I accepted the inevitable: I had an infection in my eyes.

An hour at the local Fast Med, my new home-away-from-home, confirmed what I suspected:  conjunctivitis AKA pink eye. This was especially unwelcome news because I am a devoted contact lens wearer and my glasses options weren’t ideal.  I went through a rough period last year in which we couldn’t get my contact lens prescription correct, leading to major eye strain and despair on my part.  During that time I bought new glasses, and they have the incorrect prescription.  Normally they are tolerable for short periods of time, but I don’t know whether it was soreness because of the infection or who knows what, but after 30 minutes of wearing them, the left side of my face hurt like crazy.  I dug out my old glasses and while they aren’t as crisp visually, they hurt my face less.  Please feel free to laugh at me because I feel like the entire damn universe is picking on me.  I can’t go without some sort of correction because my vision is too poor.  Seriously.  I have like 20/2600 vision uncorrected.

Oh, and in case you are curious, I still have the Cold That Won’t Die.  My throat stays slightly sore, and there is so. much. snot.  I’d apologize for the snot comment but honestly, I don’t care.  As I tweeted today, there is so much sudafed running through my body, I wouldn’t be surprised if I started to make meth spontaneously. But I need to see, so I can put up with anything as long as I can do what I need to do.

old glasses and sick

Clearly at my most attractive with old glasses

However, I’m pretty pissed at my body.  I remember when I never got sick.  It was only a few short years ago.  I was immune to everything.  Now?  I think my body creates illness.  This pink eye is the last straw:  I need a new body for Christmas because my current one is clearly worn out.

Let’s see…pondering a new body… I like my fair coloring, freckles and auburn hair although I wouldn’t mind a touch more red in my hair and maybe a touch more blue in my eyes.  I would love to have perfect vision or at least vision that needed less correction.  And I could use a slightly stronger chin and a slightly less prominent nose.

I like that I’m tall, and I’d actually like to be an inch or so taller. My height and build camouflage a lot of sins 😉  I actually like my build and shape, but I would take 10 pounds off if I had the option.  A stronger immune system would be a must!  Oh, and less sensitive skin as well.

And maybe we could take inspiration from the following:

Fun fact:  I dressed up like Scully for a professor’s birthday.  That sounds dirty, but it wasn’t, I promise.  I had to put on the trench coat and collect him from his class to take him to the next part of his birthday adventure.  Oh and he was a huge X-Files fan.

Loretta Young

Loretta Young

Fun fact:  My boss at a job I worked in high school told me I resembled Loretta Young.  I don’t see it, but she’s pretty, so hey, why not.

Louise Brooks. That hair! Those cheeks!

Hedy Lamarr

Hedy Lamarr: beauty & brains

I wonder what we’d get if we mixed them all together.  Maybe something frightening.  Maybe something beautiful.

I don’t really want a new body for Christmas, but it would be nice if the one I had was well.  Please?

Who would you like to look like if you had the choice?



  1. You sound like Jon, the first two years the boys were in day care. He caught everything from them and I caught nothing. He had the last laugh though since I’ve had strep 3 times in the last two years!

    I recently got new glasses only because my old ones were so laughably horrible.

    Feel better soon! Also… I sent two cards to you in the mail, hopefully you have gotten them!

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