The Sting Comes When You Least Expect It

After 2.5 years, it finally happened:  we were judged about our parenting because we – I – work outside the home.

It’s been a stressful time for our family with J’s grandmother being in the hospital recently and doctor appointments to make as well as family dynamics to referee.  We’re all a little torqued.  On top of the health issues, Daniel has suddenly been behaving naughtily at preschool by hitting other children.  His teachers tried time outs and redirection but yesterday, they had to call MIL to come and pick him up early.

They also want to have a meeting with me and J to discuss Daniel’s behavior.  Intellectually and after feverishly Googling of “toddler misbehavior at preschool,” I know that hitting is very normal behavior for a 2.5 year old, especially one who hasn’t been around other children much at all.  After all, that’s why he is in preschool. Despite knowing all of this, my anxiety and worry creep up until I have a pit in my stomach.

So yeah, I get it.  We’re all stressed, so I can understand how a phone call can get out of hand and next thing we know, J and I are being told that we don’t see Daniel as much and therefore don’t know his daily routines and behaviors as well since we work.  I know it was a thoughtless comment. I hope it was a thoughtless comment

But after the anger settled to a simmer, the hurt remained. Despite working outside the home, J and I both feel strongly that we know Daniel – his moods, his feelings, his likes and dislikes and his routine.  I don’t think that our working -my working – means that our relationship with him suffers.  He knows who mommy and daddy are.   He comes first with us.

Why does it always have to come back to quality vs. quantity for time spent together?

I love Daniel with all my heart and then some.  We went through hell and back to get him and live for his hugs and smiles.  Isn’t that enough?


  1. I am so sorry! Parenting drive-bys suck, and it doesn’t matter what you do (WOHM, SAHM, WAHM, etc), someone’s got an opinion… You and J are good people and good parents. Hopefully the preschool’s request to have a meeting is a proactive step on their part, not a reactive one.

    I always recommend Ann Douglas’ books on parenting… She’s a feminist scholar and mom of 5 that has good, down-to-earth advice. The title is stupid, but I’ve found the Mother of All Toddler Books to be useful:

  2. Don’t let people tell you how much you value your own children. I’m sorry they said that to you. I’ve been a working mom, and it’s hard to listen to others judge. Don’t believe it!

  3. Some people are just stupid. My husband passed away when my girls were young so not working wasn’t an option. However, I worked as a professor and founded a business while he was still alive so being a widow wasn’t the reason. I like my work. I love my life. My three older daughters grew up to become an award-winning journalist, a teacher at an inner city school with a masters degree (at age 23) and an Olympic medalist.

    Don’t worry about those idiots

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