Again, I thought Thernstrom did an excellent job of providing her point of view and again I was shocked by some of the comments. This time it seemed quite a bit of the snark and vitriol were taking issue with Thernstrom’s explanation of why they didn’t adopt. The comments disputed her facts and even slammed her not using correct adoption terminology (“placing a baby for adoption” vs. “giving up a baby”).
What frustrates me most about the comments is that they don’t listen. Or read rather. Or think. Every time an article like this is published, someone tries to explain that adoption is not inexpensive, easy or fast. For every person whose cousin’s in-law’s neighbor’s BFF was able to adopt a newborn after only two days of waiting, there are many more couples who wait years for a child, and that’s domestic or international adoption. It is not an easy process. It is invasive, expensive and humbling, and I can use those same words for infertility treatment in general.
However, one thing that dealing with infertility does give you is time to reflect and consider. Lots and lots of time. Our family building options dictated that we think long and hard about what was important to us in a family and what we could or could not handle. I think that’s why it is doubly infuriating when we are judged and criticized for the decisions we make.
And don’t get me started on the accusations that we exploit women by using them as surrogates b/c they are all ignorant, lower-class women who don’t know any better. Ridiculous. I’m glad the commenters have the time and the distance to debate the ethics. I don’t and didn’t. This is my life, and situations seem a lot different when they are happening to you.
If you haven’t read the Motherlode blog before, I encourage you to do so. I really enjoy reading it even though at times it seems like an alien world (sort of the same way I felt about Sex and the City).