I Want a New Body for Christmas
I have pink eye. Pink eye. PINK EYE! In both eyes. I wish I were making this up. My left eye started feeling scratchy and watery on Sunday, but I wear contacts and didn’t think too much of it. Monday, my left eye was red and gunky, but again, I didn’t think too much of it. Tuesday morning, though, I woke up to both eyes crusted together with nasty goo and once I pried them open, they both were red. Angry red. Oh lovely, I thought.
I put on my seldom-worn glasses and dropped off Daniel at daycare. When I got home, I looked in the mirror, optimistically hoping that the redness would have faded. Nope. It was at that point that I accepted the inevitable: I had an infection in my eyes.
An hour at the local Fast Med, my new home-away-from-home, confirmed what I suspected: conjunctivitis AKA pink eye. This was especially unwelcome news because I am a devoted contact lens wearer and my glasses options weren’t ideal. I went through a rough period last year in which we couldn’t get my contact lens prescription correct, leading to major eye strain and despair on my part. During that time I bought new glasses, and they have the incorrect prescription. Normally they are tolerable for short periods of time, but I don’t know whether it was soreness because of the infection or who knows what, but after 30 minutes of wearing them, the left side of my face hurt like crazy. I dug out my old glasses and while they aren’t as crisp visually, they hurt my face less. Please feel free to laugh at me because I feel like the entire damn universe is picking on me. I can’t go without some sort of correction because my vision is too poor. Seriously. I have like 20/2600 vision uncorrected.
Oh, and in case you are curious, I still have the Cold That Won’t Die. My throat stays slightly sore, and there is so. much. snot. I’d apologize for the snot comment but honestly, I don’t care. As I tweeted today, there is so much sudafed running through my body, I wouldn’t be surprised if I started to make meth spontaneously. But I need to see, so I can put up with anything as long as I can do what I need to do.
However, I’m pretty pissed at my body. I remember when I never got sick. It was only a few short years ago. I was immune to everything. Now? I think my body creates illness. This pink eye is the last straw: I need a new body for Christmas because my current one is clearly worn out.
Let’s see…pondering a new body… I like my fair coloring, freckles and auburn hair although I wouldn’t mind a touch more red in my hair and maybe a touch more blue in my eyes. I would love to have perfect vision or at least vision that needed less correction. And I could use a slightly stronger chin and a slightly less prominent nose.
I like that I’m tall, and I’d actually like to be an inch or so taller. My height and build camouflage a lot of sins I actually like my build and shape, but I would take 10 pounds off if I had the option. A stronger immune system would be a must! Oh, and less sensitive skin as well.
And maybe we could take inspiration from the following:
Fun fact: I dressed up like Scully for a professor’s birthday. That sounds dirty, but it wasn’t, I promise. I had to put on the trench coat and collect him from his class to take him to the next part of his birthday adventure. Oh and he was a huge X-Files fan.
Fun fact: My boss at a job I worked in high school told me I resembled Loretta Young. I don’t see it, but she’s pretty, so hey, why not.
I wonder what we’d get if we mixed them all together. Maybe something frightening. Maybe something beautiful.
I don’t really want a new body for Christmas, but it would be nice if the one I had was well. Please?
Who would you like to look like if you had the choice?